thoughts from discussions with a brother

Control

So what is wrong with being in control??

Or is the question really, “being in control of what?”

For me, the call to give up control of my life to God is a strange balancing act. I’m sure God doesn’t want my life to be out of control. But how can I keep my life under control with out being in control of it?

These seem to be my pitfalls.

1) Surrendering control of my life to God is my goal. But so often I just surrender to life.

2) Surrendering control of my life to God means surrendering to His goals. It’s easier to pursue mine because I know what I want, but not always what he wants. When I do know what he wants, I often don’t trust him.

3) I need to persevere & take hope. When I put His goals first I am often impatient, self critical and doubting. I give up. I forget that he has a plan & his timing is perfect. I forget that he may not want me to reach the goal but just reach for it.

4) In order to follow His will I must be obedient. This is hard. I’m the kid who wants to know “Why?” I need to start asking “How?” I need to prepare myself to act when he calls. I need to “keep my desk clean” and ready for his assignments. I’ve got some cleaning to do.

5) In order to be obedient I must have self-control. Of all the types of control this is the one I believe God will bless. I can’t control people or circumstances or the past or the future. I must constantly refocus control on my own present choices & present actions, constantly cross checking my alignment with His will.

I have always been afraid of not being in control. Since my fall, I have become afraid of being in control. Maybe this is why I fell (or was I pushed?).

Lord, allow me to develop confidence & self-control so that I may be obedient & surrender to Your goals for my life, always pursuing them with perseverance and hope.